The broadcast networks are deep into finale season, and several of those season enders are represented in our Quotes of the Week column.
In the list below, we’ve gathered nearly 20 of television’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.
This time around, we’ve got a hilariously morbid interpretation of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory from Ted Lasso‘s Higgins, one of the oddest questions ever uttered on Survivor (which is really saying something, given that show’s longevity), a never-ending mystery on The Neighborhood, and proof — courtesy of 9-1-1: Lone Star — that a wedding officiant can be both sentimental and practical while on the job.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: a double dose of Apple TV+’s new High Desert, plus the rare triple dose, this time from Grey’s Anatomy‘s two-episode season finale.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!
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TRUE LIES
Image Credit: Courtesy of CBS “Dana’s dating an expert in computer crimes and roofies?! We need to terminate him with extreme prejudice.”
“Honey, you know that means ‘kill,’ right?”
“OK, fine. Not that. But something!”
Helen (Ginger Gonzaga) isn’t afraid to apply her new spy knowledge to the sketchy kid dating her daughter, but Harry (Steve Howey) sets her straight
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YELLOWJACKETS
Image Credit: Showtime screenshot “If you kill yourself now, we will eat you.”
“I don’t care.”
“I will savor every moment of it, especially your high-calorie butt meat.”
Misty (Samantha Hanratty) employs very on-brand tactics as she tries to stop Coach Ben (Steven Krueger) from throwing himself off a cliff
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TED LASSO
Image Credit: Apple TV+ screenshot (2) “I don’t want to be part of the Akufo League.”
“Oh, why? Because he’s an emotionally erratic billionaire with the temperament of one of those kids in Willy Wonka that gets murdered at the chocolate factory?”
“I don’t think that’s what happens, Leslie.”
“I hate to break it to you, Rebecca, but those children are dead.”
Higgins (Jeremy Swift), with the only correct interpretation of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
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GREY’S ANATOMY
Image Credit: ABC screenshot “You put me in an impossible situation today, and I hate you for that. I hate you so much that I am going to cry now because that’s how I express anger, and I’m going to hate you even more because you saw me cry. And the worst part is… you saved her. You saved my favorite person, so I don’t get to just hate you, I have to love you, too.”
Jules (Adelaide Kane) lashes out at Blue for ignoring Max’s DNR order
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GREY’S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: ABC screenshot (2) “I love you, and I’m gonna love you… forever.”
“You unbelievable dummy. I love you, too.”
Finally, Link (Chris Carmack) and Jo (Camilla Luddington) say it — at the same time!
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GREY’S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: ABC screenshot “I wasted years of my life trying to avoid pain, and I went to your house to say that I never should’ve let you walk away and to say that I wanna live a whole life with love and mess and pain and you.”
“Well, OK, then.”
Wait, that was all it took to get Nick (Scott Speedman) and Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) back together?
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SURVIVOR
Image Credit: CBS screenshot “Can you burp in my mouth… in my nose?”
When Yam Yam comes back from a reward feast, Carolyn asks for just a small, uhh, smell of what he dined on
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SUCCESSION
Image Credit: HBO screenshot “It’s fun. My team is playing your team. It’s only spicy because if my team wins, they’re gonna shoot your team.”
Roman (Kieran Culkin) shares his cheerfully amoral perspective on the looming presidential election
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NCIS
Image Credit: CBS screenshot “The Cannoli King?”
“Yeah, is that an actual person, or just a steamy metaphor?”
McGee (Sean Murray), Jess (Katrina Law), et al. learn that Parker’s dinner date was with no pastry icon, but a pretty U.S. senator
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ALL AMERICAN
Image Credit: The CW screenshot “To hell with this. I need some air.”
“We’re outside.”
“I need different air!”
Jordan (Michael Evans Behling) and Layla’s (Greta Onieogou) argument comes to a nonsensical end
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HIGH DESERT (Episode 1)
Image Credit: Apple TV+ screenshot “Who would’ve thought? Me at my age starting this prestigious career… I’m like Mary Tyler Moore on methadone!”
Peggy (Patricia Arquette) compares herself to a comedy legend while explaining her new job as a private investigator (of sorts) to her siblings
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HIGH DESERT (Episode 1 Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: Apple TV+ screenshot “Are you tripping right now?”
“Immaterial.”
“You’re trying to divorce me on acid! You’re not thinking straight.”
“That’s why I’m thinking straight… It’s acid. It’s not drugs.”
Peggy (Patricia Arquette) creates her own rules when it comes to her “sobriety” and trying to divorce her husband Denny (Matt Dillon)
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THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL
Image Credit: CBS screenshot “You just don’t flirt with someone who used to be obsessed with you!”
Steffy (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood) can’t contain her upset after spying Hope “gazing with desire” at Thomas
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THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL
Image Credit: Prime Video screenshot “I’ve hopped over plenty of d—ks for you, missy. For three years I’ve done nothing but hop over d—ks.”
Susie (Alex Borstein) takes issue with Midge’s claim that she fights harder for fellow client James, for whom she stormed a bath house “and hopped over d—ks” to land him a gig
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THE NEIGHBORHOOD
Image Credit: CBS screenshot (2) “I’ve got to ask: What were your parents thinking when they named you Lamar?”
“It’s actually a combination of my parents’ names.”
“Ohhh! Well, that makes sense.”
“Latasha and Marcellus.”
The origin of Lamar’s (Kevin Pollak) name provides more questions than it does answers
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NCIS: HAWAI’I
Image Credit: CBS screenshot “Wait, can’t Ernie track her phone?”
“Her phone’s turned off, Kate.”
“Have Ernie turn it back on remotely!”
“Ernie isn’t magic.”
A desperate Kate (Tori Anderson) works with Lucy (Yasmine al-Bustami) and Ernie (Jason Antoon) to locate Jane
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9-1-1: LONE STAR
Image Credit: Courtesy of Fox “May you laugh together often, may you surprise each other daily and, most importantly, may you stay out of the ICU for at least a year.”
#TarlosWedding officiant Paul (Brian Michael Smith) is speaking for the entire Lone Star fandom here
This story originally appeared on TVLine
