Vanessa Reacts to Being the Villain of the Season

[Warning: The following contains MAJOR spoilers for The Ultimatum: Queer Love Episodes 1-4.]

Vanessa Papa joins the ranks of Netflix reality dating show villains in The Ultimatum: Queer Love. After being given an ultimatum by Xander Boger, her partner of four years, the 30-year-old dove into the experiment more excited to wade through the dating pool than her ex and the other cast members.

Fully leaning into a reality show format in which you agreed to appear is more than acceptable. In fact, some of the cast members from Seasons 1 and 2 likely would have had a better time if they just went with the flow. What’s different in the debut season of Queer Love, though, is that Vanessa found herself among a group of women and non-binary people who, once they gleaned she was “there for the wrong reasons” (the classic villain descriptor for this genre), did not let her intentions go unchecked.

The tension began during the first cocktail party, when Yoly Rojas didn’t respond well to Vanessa’s big, loud energy. Some people just aren’t going to vibe with each other. That’s all well and fine. Vanessa continued the dating process, connecting the most with Lexi Goldberg at first while simultaneously dating Lexi’s ex, Rae Cheung-Sutton. When asked about Xander, Vanessa made it seem as though she didn’t care what happened with her relationship and was just in this experiment for the fun of it.

She was also called out for saying that Xander “would be asexual” if it weren’t for her, saying that was a quote from a past conversation. This made Lexi think Vanessa’s mindset was self-centered to a fault. And the ways in which Vanessa expressed her feelings to others, namely in the selection ceremony in Episode 3, made them, too, believe Vanessa was exhibiting some narcissistic traits.

Vanessa talked to TV Insider about what it was like to become the villain of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. It “didn’t feel good.”

“I would say the frustrating part about it is I was super excited to go onto the show and meet this group of queer people because I’ve kind of grown up not having a lot of queer community. Now I do, but prior to the show, I really didn’t. So, I was thrilled,” she explained. “And then to get in there and realize a lot of people didn’t like me, number one, I’ll say I fully get that not everyone’s gonna like each other, but it sucked that I was in a group of people that the majority didn’t like me. It’s hard because in real life, you should remove yourself from those situations. It’s not a good place for you to be mentally, but I couldn’t. I was in that, so I tried my best.”

“If someone said, ‘you offended me,’ I could say, ‘OK, I apologize,’ like, let’s talk about it,” she continued. “But it was just like, once their opinions were formed from maybe even just one five-minute date with me, I couldn’t change anyone’s mind. So, I kind of accepted that and was like, OK, these aren’t my people. I get that. But all you can do is kind of survive in those situations. I think that’s what I did.”

As for that final date with Lexi, there seem to be conflicting interpretations of what was expressed in that conversation. Based on what’s seen in the episode (the first four of the season released on May 24 on Netflix, Episodes 5-8 arrive May 31), Lexi believed Vanessa wasn’t on the show to really reflect on her relationship with Xander and her part in their issues, but rather, she seemingly saw the experience as a free pass. (During her trial marriage with Rae, Vanessa got her nipples pierced as her first act of “freedom” and self-expression after her breakup with Xander, which is manufactured for the show — she and Xander would reunite just three weeks later for their own trial marriage.)

Courtesy of Netflix

Vanessa told us she was much more vocal about her fears of Xander falling for someone else on her dates with Lexi, alleging that it was Lexi who was acting like Rae didn’t exist. (The episodes’ editing do not imply this. In fact, it’s the other way around. Perhaps some Vanessa scenes that would have painted her in a more different light were left on the cutting room floor.)

“I’ve definitely reflected on” that last date with Lexi in the time since filming ended. “Lexi threw me off,” Vanessa added, “because she was there giving the ultimatum, yet on our dates — and I don’t think much of this was aired — that we had, she felt very strongly like she was dating me. Like, I felt like, ‘Do you remember Rae? Do you remember this partner you came in here with?’ That was the vibe I was getting, so that threw me off and it just, I don’t know. In my mind, I was still thinking about Xander every step of the way, although I was trying to live in the moment and enjoy. So, Lexi’s strong, I don’t even know what it’s called, but Lexi’s strong opinions about the experience and everything, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to have a trial marriage with her if that was what was coming.”

“I knew it was gonna be too overwhelming for me,” she continued. “Whereas Rae and I, I think, felt a lot more similar about being calm. I know I don’t look calm on the show; I’m not explaining this well. But I think when I look back on that particular date, what I was basically trying to tell Lexi is like, ‘I’ve reached a point where I’m already overwhelmed. It’s week one, and I’m overwhelmed. I’m in pain seeing my partner crushing on someone else.’ And she didn’t like that. I think she was like, ‘Where’s your head? You should be into this show. This was the experience.’ But for me, I wanted to be honest with her and tell her I’m overwhelmed right now. I don’t know if I can be all in like I think she would’ve wanted me to be, and I think she didn’t like that. That’s her choice to not like that, but I wanted to tell her the truth.”

The Ultimatum: Queer Love, Episodes 5-8, Wednesday, May 31, Netflix