As an uncoventional and unique rom-com, only a deep (500) Days of Summer analysis can uncover the movie’s true lessons on love.(500) Days of Summer has always been a unique indie film for rom-com and film lovers alike due to how it subverted fans’ expectations and didn’t play into outdated tropes. It was raw, real, and even painful to watch at times. However, it also paved the way for future rom-coms to do something a little bit different.
It might have come out in 2009, but many fans will agree that the life lessons and messages found in (500) Days of Summer still ring true to this day. It has withstood the test of time as a film that hits home for a lot of people dealing with a recent breakup. The lessons the film taught opened the eyes of many young people across the world to what might have gone wrong in their relationship and helped them cope with the reality that it was over.
Others Aren’t Responsible For Who You Think They Are
Tom has big ideas for his relationship with Summer (Zooey Deschanel) and thinks that they’re going to last forever. The audience sees his true thoughts about how he perceives Summer and the expectations for their relationship, but it’s not reality. Tom is devastated when Summer breaks up with him and doesn’t see it coming at all partly because of how he thinks Summer is without fully realizing who she actually is as a person and instead overly romanticizing their relationship. (500) Days of Summer explained that Summer wasn’t a villain and it’s a good reminder for the audience that other people aren’t responsible for how another individual views them.
You Can’t Move On If You Live In The Past
Although it makes sense to grieve after a sad event (like a difficult break-up), the movie chronicles Tom’s life and depression after his relationship with Summer is over. Eventually, Tom is able to move on from the relationship and finds that he can again feel happy, even though he’s not with Summer and he’s actually alone. The only reason he was able to move on was because he was able to let go of Summer instead of living in the past.
It’s Okay To Focus On Career Over Romance
The opening narration of the movie states that Tom’s outlook on love was partially due to “a total misreading” of the ending to The Graduate. This speaks a lot to him as a character as he is obsessed with the idea of romance but fails to understand the complications that come after a relationship begins. In part, the movie is about him discovering happiness outside of relationships. Instead of jumping into a new relationship, Tom learns that he can shift his focus to his career and put his time and energy into becoming a successful architect which has been his dream job. The movie proves it’s not all about relationships and it’s okay to focus on a career or personal goals and sometimes that’s healthier.
The Idea Of “The One” Isn’t Realistic
Throughout most of the movie, Tom is completely convinced that he’s found “the one” in Summer. He thinks the search for his one true love is over and the two of them will live happily ever after, but it turns out not to be the case. Tom is distraught and thinks that he’ll never find anyone again and that Summer was the perfect partner and he ruined his life by failing in the relationship. But, the movie proves that Tom is able to heal, move on, and even meet someone new by the end of the movie making the idea of “the one” unrealistic.
It’s Okay To Be Single/Alone/Independent
One of Tom’s vices in the film is that he thinks he has to be in a relationship and if he isn’t, he’s wasting his life away. It’s a huge problem and probably one of the biggest reasons he put so many expectations on his relationship with Summer. Ultimately, a person cannot be in a relationship that is healthy and positive if they don’t know how to be comfortable on their own. Sure, it can be lonely at times, but it’s important to learn that it’s okay to be alone sometimes.
You Cannot Force Somebody To Love You
The entire film centers around Tom’s vision of what he wants with his relationship with Summer. He tried so hard to get her to love him the way he loved her, but it just never quite took off. No matter how hard he tried, and how much he wanted it, Summer was never going to have those same feelings. He is angry at Summer for not feeling the same way, but she was upfront about her look at relationships whereas Tom is the true villain of (500) Days of Summer for not respecting that. People cannot be forced to love others. Everybody has their own choices and feelings, and sometimes they aren’t convenient for others.
Your Expectations Will Never Be The Same As Reality
One of the most iconic scenes in the film is the “expectations vs. reality” moment of Tom seeing Summer again after their breakup. He imagines that they have a wonderful evening and even hints at them getting back together. In reality, they don’t talk the entire night and Tom goes home upset. It is dangerous to let expectations of how a relationship could turn out preoccupy the mind. It’s okay to have them, just be careful of how much pressure is placed on them to succeed.
Don’t Ignore The Signs Of A Damaged Relationship
When Summer breaks it off with Tom, she points out that the relationship hasn’t been working. Tom is taken by surprise and heartbroken before he then becomes depressed. So did he not see the signs of the relationship turning stale? Or did he just refuse to see them? His sister later suggests he was just remembering the good parts and to look back on how she was feeling during their relationship. It may seem easier and less painful to ignore the signs of a damaged relationship, but in reality, it just makes everything harder. It’s a fantasy that will eventually crumble because there are two sides to a relationship.
It Is Important To Be On The Same Page
One of the biggest reasons that Tom and Summer’s relationship becomes rocky is because they were never on the same page. Tom never expressed to Summer how he really felt, and what he really wanted out of the relationship. While Summer had told him where she stood early on, it was never brought up again and Tom figured she didn’t feel the same way as they became more serious. Due to this, their relationship became strained when Tom realized that Summer was not as dedicated to the relationship as he thought she was. Had Tom expressed how he felt early on, and what he wanted, the relationship might have been able to survive a little longer.
Don’t Let Your Happiness Be Dependent On Another Person
(500) Days of Summer is a perfect Valentine’s Day movie because it speaks to people in and not in a relationship. Possibly one of the most important lessons from (500) Days of Summer is that happiness cannot be dependent on another person. Summer becomes the only source of happiness for Tom, and he loses himself because of that. It is unfair to put that pressure on anyone. It is bound to end terribly and throw anybody involved into a deep depression much like Tom’s. It doesn’t mean people can’t make each other happy, it just means one partner can’t be relied on as the sole source of happiness in the relationship.
There Are Always Two Sides And Feelings To A Relationship
The point of (500) Days of Summer is that the audience is seeing everything through the eyes of a man that has been broken up with. By the midway point, the audience is mad at Summer. It’s hard to like Summer because she’s broken the heart of the protagonist. That is what it is like when seeing a relationship from only one side. The film makes us realize that Tom’s view is not necessarily the truth, but instead, a biased version of events. Every relationship involves two people, and therefore two sides to a story and two feelings. One person’s feelings do not invalidate another’s, and it’s important in a relationship to take a step back and see things from another’s perspective.
Just Because It Started Good, Doesn’t Mean It’ll Always Be Good
In the beginning, Tom and Summer’s relationship is clearly a good one. They have the same interests and get along easily, and the romance is adorable between the two. It is clear that it changes as the days roll along though, and doesn’t stay perfect. The (500) Days of Summer timeline effectively shows this how drastically different a relationship can change over time. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and that’s just what being a relationship is about. It’s important to bear in mind that it won’t always be good, and sometimes it’ll never get back to being good.
Liking The Same Band Doesn’t Mean You’re Meant To Be
Tom first falls for Summer because he finds out she has the same music taste as him, and he’s apparently never experienced that before. It becomes the catalyst for the entire film and an iconic moment in the film. Except that reality isn’t as simple as that. The music in (500) Days of Summer is memorable, but even Tom’s adolescent sister is smarty enough to know “just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soulmate.” A person isn’t meant to be with somebody just because they have the same interests. It might be exciting for a moment that somebody loves the same band, but it is not enough to build a relationship on.
You Can Find Love In The Most Unexpected Places
Although Tom and Summer might not have found happiness with each other, even after they tried so hard to make it work, this doesn’t mean that Love was done with them. As evidenced by Summer’s marriage to her husband and Tom’s possible romance with Autumn (Minka Kelly), they seemed to have possibly found the right person when they weren’t even looking.
The idea that Love can be found in the most unexpected places is one that rings true with the audience as life is full of random and unpredictable things. Although a person might not realize it at the time, one conversation could, in fact, lead up to a life-changing moment. It might be scary to think about, but it can also be exciting too.
Taking An Opportunity When The Moment Arises
When the movie first began, the audience saw that Tom wasn’t very confident in asking other people out as he had an idea in his head that it wouldn’t turn out the way he expected it to. However, by the end of the movie, he seems to be a completely different person as he is seen to be taking more chances on people and taking more opportunities too.
It’s not just Tom who had seemed to have this epiphany either. Although she only had about five minutes of screen time, the viewers could also see that Autumn hadn’t been the type of person to take risks before. However, for some reason, she decided having a drink with Tom was worth canceling the plans that she had initially made with her friends after. There’s definitely a chance that these opportunities might not work out, but for some people, they might still be happy with the outcome as this means that they aren’t left with the “what ifs?”
Don’t Put People On A Pedestal
From the very beginning, it is quite clear that Tom had placed Summer on a pedestal. He is seen to imply that he believes Summer is the perfect person for him due to the fact that they have lots of things in common and has high expectations that she will eventually reciprocate his feelings (because that is what happened in his ideal world). However, what he fails to understand is that, by doing this, he was putting a lot of pressure on her.
Many people will agree that this is something no one should ever do as it is quite unfair to expect a person to be perfect all of the time. Everyone has their flaws and they will certainly make mistakes, but this is all part of life. It’s not fair to make them feel guilty for not living up to the expectations others set for them.
Don’t Be A Jerk When Things Don’t Go The Way You Expect
When it comes to Tom, there are mixed opinions as to whether he is a likable protagonist or not. While there were certain moments of the movie where the viewers are able to sympathize with him, there were other times when he acted like a jerk (which was particularly seen when he got angry at Summer for refusing to put labels on their relationship or how he insulted her for not fitting his expectations). Tom was even quick to judge Summer before ever speaking to her after being told she was “uptight.”
Although having strong communication skills would have resolved many issues the couple had, Tom had no right to act like a jerk and get angry at Summer for not meeting his expectations. She had always been upfront about what she wanted out of the relationship, so it was unfair to get angry at her when he realized that she hadn’t changed her mind. This can also apply to real life as well; just because things might not be going as expected doesn’t give anyone the right to act like a jerk toward other people.
Life Goes On After A Breakup, But It’s Okay To Grieve
Though it might seem odd, (500) Days of Summer is a great breakup movie because it embraces the sadness of the loss while showing the optimism on the other side. Tom takes his breakup with Summer hard. It hits him like a freight train and he struggles to recover from it. Eventually, though, he does. He picks himself up and he moves on. He even meets another woman that he could fall for. Every breakup is hard, that is inevitable. It is also okay to grieve after one and take time to heal. Nobody grieves the same way, and everybody heals at their own pace. However, life will go on. It is not the end of the world. It might feel like it, but give it a month or two and the improvement will be noticeable.
This story originally appeared on Screenrant
