Jada Pinkett Smith admitted that even though she seems like she has a “perfect life,” she has struggled with depression and feelings of “hopelessness” in an excerpt of her memoir, Worthy, published by People. She opened up about a period where she fell into a deep “despair,” despite her best efforts. She got honest about how despite having a loving family and relationships with her husband, Will Smith, and kids, she was still struggling with depression.
The Collateral actress, 52, admitted that she did her best to make it seem like everything was okay while dealing with her hardships privately. “For two decades, I had been putting on a good face, going with the flow, telling everyone I was okay. Yet underneath, bouts of depression and overwhelming hopelessness had smoldered until they turned into raging hellfire in my broken heart,” she wrote. “Unwelcome feelings — of not deserving love — made it harder to understand the disconnect between the so-called perfect life I had achieved and the well of loss I carried with me.”
The excerpt describes how Jada was feeling before seeking help, detailing some of her darkest feelings. She revealed that many of her struggles came to a head when she turned 40. “I would later be diagnosed and informed that I suffer from complex trauma with PTSD and dissociation, but without this guidepost, I was a chronic mess with no fix, no possibility to heal. Every morning, waking up was like walking the plank of doom,” she said.
Despite having so many wonderful things, Jada revealed she was still battling those feelings of depression. “A loving relationship, harmony, peace … that happiness had yet to be delivered,” she wrote at one point in the excerpt.
Jada said that while she was struggling, her kids—Jaden, Willow, and stepson Trey—were her “only motivation” to keep up the fight. She spoke about how hard it was to have the duality of seemingly having it all, yet struggling. “I had the beautiful family, the superstar husband, the lavish lifestyle, fame and fortune. I had my own career, the freedom and support to pursue creative outlets,” she wrote.
Worthy will be released on October 17 through Harper Collins.
This story originally appeared on Hollywoodlife
