Sound your off-key trumpet, Tom Sandoval, as Vanderpump Rules Season 11 is about to start airing. On second thought, put that trumpet down. Play Scheana Shay’s “Good as Gold” on repeat instead because at least Scheana can carry an autotune. Oh, Tom, you’ve been a part of so many iconic moments on this series, but your music, it hurts our ears.
As for Season 11, we are eager to watch this cast move forward post last season’s messy Scandoval storyline. But you wanna know which moment we hope to see way less of moving forward on Bravo? Literally anything having to do with Tom, a microphone, and/or his trumpet. While we can support people living out their dreams, Tom’s delusional levels of his own skills have made us lower the volumes on our TV’s way more than once.
That said, we’ll give him a small amount of credit for his music video “T.I.P. (Touch in Public),” which was a bop. This one was heavily produced, so the notes were hit. We’ll give further credit where it’s due, Tom also danced and acted pretty well here. Yet, this is his one-off, and that’s a hill that we will gladly die on.
Back to Tom’s failed musical attempts, we go. If we have to remember these dog-in-heat sounds, then so must you. Therefore, here are Tom Sandoval’s cringiest musical moments, both on and off of VPR, in no particular order. We are sorry.
The Season 6 Collab That No One Asked For
When James Kennedy and Lala Kent went into the studio in Season 6 for a collab, Tom jumped in as well, with his trumpet. “Every time I pull out my trumpet, it’s an expression of my feelings. I have this way to just lose myself in music. It’s awesome,” Tom emoted, while Lala made dolphin sounds in the next room, imitating the struggle bus that was Tom’s performance.
“Sandoval’s trumpet playing reminds me of being in a pack of baby dolphins, just learning to communicate for the first time. But I love dolphins,” Lala quipped, while adjusting her bra, clearly over all things involving Tom and his trumpet. We agree with Lala here, as this was a very winceworthy showing of Tom’s musical skills.
Where “Sweet Child of Mine” Goes To Die
Like a car accident that you can’t tear your eyes away from, such is Tom’s band, Tom Sandoval & The Most Extras. Now, Tom’s hired musicians are all incredibly talented. Zero shade to those humans. But Tom…yikes.
Right after Tom’s affair with Rachel Leviss was uncovered, Tom fled the scene, losing himself in his music. We can respect that, but you guys, listen here. At a concert in Atlantic City, Tom belted out the words to “Sweet Child of Mine,” and a part of our souls promptly died. It was pitchy, as if cats were fighting in a back alley, and easily one of Tom Sandoval’s cringiest musical moments.
The Wedding Gift That Can’t Be Sent Back
When Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz were wed in Season 5, Sandoval decided to gift harm the pair with his horn. His narcissistic tendencies need to chill, amiright? To explain, while the crowd was up and dancing, Sandoval jumped up onto the stage. Here, he began to play his trumpet alongside Katie and Schwartz’s hired band, who were less than thrilled.
The best part was when the saxophone player visibly glared at him. He then pointed to his ear, asking Sandoval to stop blaring his trumpet right next to his head. At this, Tom walked away, and we couldn’t help but wonder, did Ariana Madix cringe at her then-man’s musical misstep like we all did at home?
A Moment of Silence for Schwartz’s Mom
Before Tom became one of the most loathed villains in reality television, he was out there, changing lyrics to cover songs. Writing an entire song takes talent, so go ‘head Tom, change one line, make yourself a star. Except for that one time that he turned a song into an ode to Schwartz’s mom in an ew-like shout-out. That time was bad.
“Schwartz’s mom, has got it going on,” Tom squealed into his mic. We cringed for Schwartz, and for his innocent mother.
The Diver That Sunk
Taking his musical stylings on to The Masked Singer, Tom was revealed as being the voice behind The Diver’s mask. While he was mostly on tune throughout this competition-based series, it was clear from the jump who was in the costume. You see, Tom has this one signature dance move, where he spins and moves his arms around like a swimming robot, and that Diver, he spun, he robot’ed, and he moon-walked his way all across that stage.
Insert James’s Season 10 reunion humor, where he made fun of Tom’s only known move here. Now watch it on repeat, as we do. Anyways, Tom was detected and eliminated very early-on, while VPR fans everywhere cringed over his ongoing musical ventures.
The Penis Flute Intro for Tom’s First Delulu Podcast
In an effort to take some of the heat off of his shoulders post his affair, Tom started up a podcast, you know, to help get his point-of-view out there to the masses. Now let’s backtrack a bit to Season 6, when Tom purchased a penis-shaped flute during a chaotic cast trip. In Season 10, Ariana’s friend Logan broke this flute in anger over Tom’s affair. Yet, as we learned in the Season 11 sneak peek, Tom’s assistant went and glued the whole dang thing back together again for their boss.
Guess what Tom just used to open up his first delusional podcast with? That’s right. He played his penis flute, right before diving in to deflect his sh*tty actions. You got us there Tom, as you are the true victim, and your musical moments on Vanderpump Rules are not at all cringey, they’re more so inspired.
Opposite Day.
TELL US – WHICH MUSICAL MOMENT OF TOM’S HAS MADE YOU CRINGE THE HARDEST?
This story originally appeared on Realitytea
