Don’t personally adore Andrew Cuomo? So what? He himself doesn’t love a load of people. Me, I like him. But he doesn’t even really like me. I’ll live with it.
Cuomo, with the warmth of a puma, his face will never make a Hallmark Valentine card. He loves his family, fame, his country and his position. That’s it. Want words like truth, honesty, legitimacy? Try Scrabble.
But. Pay attention. Want accomplishment? Andrew. He can do the job. Prefer maybe de Blasio? Whose wife’s favorite subject was math? Menendez? Whose hobby was screwing the United States? Hunter? Who even Guantanamo lifers run from? Or the White House ventriloquist — our former First Lady?
Forget loving Cuomo. The issue is whether you love this greatest city on earth. We now fight for the life of this wondrous piece of land God created — New York! Get it straight. This is no Miss Universe contest.
In our error era
We’re the sty who elected the cronies behind Biden. We’re that great land who voted for Long Island’s deadhead George Santos. So maybe we don’t get everything right.
Our territory is home for rats the size of SUVs. They’re smaller than our immigrants. Our people leave their inner matter on our streets. It’s taxes nobody can afford, thieves inside stores, unsafe subways, riders jumping turnstiles. Fights on buses. We’re hit with bicycles.
Bad people steal our handbags, harass us on the streets, rob our phones, sleep on the sidewalk, do drugs, leave dirty needles everywhere, constantly sue the city and win, get out of jail with just their Monopoly card, have law enforcers who hate enforcing law. Stores close, harass neighbors with noise, possess weapons, bike the wrong way.
And those are our law-abiding people. We have neighbors who hate us, sky-high rent, locals who don’t speak English, vandalize, smash windows, organize anti-everything marches, don’t show for work yet get paid for work, panhandle, go into politics so you can hold press conferences but don’t really work on anything.
Hospitals are closing, doctors are leaving, people are struggling, can’t get crosstown because it’s cluttered with bike racks, double-parked trucks, no parking zones and closed areas because builders are building. Try to gasp air through permanent scaffolding. Our universities teach hate. No walking alone at night because you’re scared. The park is now home for outlaws. Cross the street? Forget it. You’re hit by a guy delivering coleslaw. Old, but needed apartments? They stay empty because it costs landlords too much to upgrade.
Flash and dash
Prefer to vote for a cheery guy with a toothy smile, pat on the back and French cuffs? Mazel tov. Easy to like Eric who smiles, wants a good time, changes his suit throughout the day and, like this other guy, also hopes to become president. We all like Eric — but maybe there’s another temp job meanwhile.
Andrew is a gorilla. Give him his banana. You don’t love him? Who cares. He doesn’t love you either. But he can do the job. It’s either Andrew Cuomo or all us ex New Yorkers will move to Delaware and start gardening for Jill Biden.
Stopped by a mugger this lady was frisked. Then he complained, “You have no money!” She said: “Listen, just keep doing what you’re doing and I’ll write you a check.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
This story originally appeared on NYPost
