Greatest (corrupt) city ever
New York. Greatest effing city in the universe. Even if some hidden planet’s newly discovered 113 quadrillion miles higher than wherever Pete Davidson floats — the fact is downtown, crosstown or wherever Bezos sticks his next banana, today our country tis of who knows from smartness and corruption.
New York, New York. So effing great that it’s named twice. Where else has that? Like there’s Albuquerque Albuquerque? Even fat rats — the four-legged kind — want here. And NOT Florida where late dinner’s 4 p.m. and at the next table is an alligator with that governor who also itched to be president.
Best of everything
We got the best steaks, best cheesecake, best bagels, best museums, best theater — however, there is a small issue. Forget heavy on trash, scaffolding, congestion, prices, taxes, theft, robbery, lousy subway — we’re also tops in crappy electees.
Our pols go to the can. Get nailed. Sentenced. Dumped. Do their time. Yeah, we got Saks, St. Pat’s, Central Park, Chinatown, best everything. Our rich are too rich and the poor too poor so question is: Why do so many pick politics instead of weighing tuna at the Fulton Fish Market? This from a pro — and not someone petting a peeing Airedale: “Because they’re hacks. Can’t make a living unless they’re on the dole.”
From another. “There needs to be a revolution. Greatest city in the world doesn’t care about the city. Only about elections. They’re building employment in government. Our growth is in government hiring. We keep borrowing money — going broke paying for nonservices. America is being eaten away by its geniuses.”
A rogues’ gallery
Like Senate Majority Leader Dean Skelos. State Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver’s federal corruption charges for extortion and mail fraud. Former Gov. Eliot Spitzer found with socks on, other things out — none being his wife. Congress temp George Santos you can skip altogether.
How about Stanley Simon who loused up something but I don’t remember what. Top cop Bernie Kerik. Everybody’s friend Mario Biaggi. Forget not our newly nailed next-door Sen. Bob Menendez. Councilman Jumaane Williams who has a record and now itches to be mayor and replace Eric Adams now scratching to stay mayor. Early on we had “Boss” Tweed, Tammany Hall, Carmine DeSapio.
New York, New York, you’re a helluva town. The corruption is up and the prisons are down. The Bronx is up and onetime leader Stanley Friedman went down. How about Pelosi who has record wealth? Or that broke Barack now owns a multimillion dollar mansion?
Fight for the job
Our mayor who’s fighting felonies still wants to be mayor. Our ex governor who’s fighting assorted fights also wants to be mayor. A bartender itchy to be president is delivering speeches from private planes.
Today our country tis of who? Take a knee, burn the flag, start a march, hate a religion, destroy a statue, free a con. The land of the pilgrims’ pride? The land where our fathers died? The land with tax as high as an elephant’s eye?
Letting you know that a study from UCLA predicts that by 2027 there will be 14 million people living in LA — and 78% of them will all have their own podcast.
And NOT only in New York, kids, not only in New York.
This story originally appeared on NYPost
