“I’m sorry to tell you that you have prostate cancer.” It is 11.47am on a Tuesday morning in October 2021, and I have just received a diagnosis of prostate cancer. It is a very surreal experience. “What – me?” says a voice inside my head. I turn around to see who the doctor is talking to, because it can’t be me, can it? Cancer happens to other people, doesn’t it? But it is me. And this is happening. “Er…what happens next?”
The doctor tells me there are two possibilities. I don’t absorb everything he says. I look at the booklet with various numbers and letters. The nurses explain what’s on the page: it is serious, I have options. I have to make a decision in the next few weeks. I leave the room with a thick wedge of booklets and sheets of paper in my hands. Did that just happen? I ask myself, outside the room.
This wasn’t in the script. When you read the statistic that one in every eight men (one in four Black men) will be diagnosed with prostate cancer, you don’t expect to be the one.
I meet up with my wife, who is waiting for me in a café (due to COVID restrictions, she wasn’t able to come to the diagnosis meeting with me). I tell her and we talk about it.
Emotions are flying around inside my head. How do you process it all? Dealing with cancer is not just about dealing with the illness. It is about your emotional response to what is happening, to the implications of treatment, to the practicalities of receiving the treatment. And talking about it.
My wife has been rock-like in her support. I was also able to talk to my friend Andy, who – coincidentally – had the same diagnosis two months before mine. My daughter is a nurse – talking to her helped. This helped me to process my decision and to plan the next few months. This support helped me stay on an even keel in terms of my mental health.
So, in February 2022, I started to explore the possibility of creating a support group for men with prostate cancer; two months later, we had our first meeting. Within 18 months, we had to move to a bigger venue to accommodate increasing numbers at our meetings.
Because you don’t have to deal with it on your own. Tackle Prostate Cancer supports more than 150 Prostate Cancer Support Groups across the UK. Their aim is to offer the ongoing emotional support people with prostate cancer need, whether they are preparing for cancer treatment, going through a course of treatment or recovering from one, and getting on with their life.
All prostate cancer patients ideally should have access to mental health support. This belief is why I lead a support group in Huddersfield, which meets twice a month. Everyone who attends has the opportunity to share what is currently happening in their life. Sometimes people are sad, sometimes angry, but in talking about it, they have the chance to process and release those feelings.
Most importantly, they are sharing this with people who have lived through treatment and can share their experiences – people just like them.
Humour and positive mental health are crucial ways of dealing with prostate cancer. We run monthly Pilates sessions with a local Pilates teacher; we organise monthly walks in the local area, and wild swimming features occasionally. Many of the group support a “5K Your Way” ParkRun every month.
Our partners’ group, which started last year, recognises that cancer affects more than the person diagnosed. Through a close relationship with our local hospital’s urology department, we are able to let men know about our group when they are actually diagnosed, so that they can access support fairly swiftly.
Seven of our group have recently trained as peer coaches – specifically focused on helping men who need to make a choice about their treatment pathway, ensuring they have all the information in a supportive but neutral way.
This initiative officially launched this month, thanks to Movember and Tackle Prostate Cancer. I am through my initial treatment. If it comes back, I will deal with it.
Our support group does not let cancer define us. We share stories, we laugh, we get sad sometimes, but we deal with it. Above all, we talk about it. And when we do, things are a little easier.
All cancer patients deserve to have this kind of support, and this is why I’m backing the Daily Express’s Cancer Care campaign. All cancer patients must have access to mental health support both during and after treatment.
This story originally appeared on Express.co.uk
