Paulina and Bobby’s daughters are missing. Here’s why

Episode 6: “Your Laws vs. Our Laws.” Now that Paulina has left her family, she has a choice to make: Does she take her custody case through the Romani judicial system? Or does she turn to the American courts, trusting the system she has always been taught to fear?

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You might have noticed that in “Foretold,” we talk a lot about Paulina’s desperation to keep her daughters, about why Bobby’s family seemed so possessive of them and about the importance of children in Romani culture, but we don’t ever get into the kids’ personalities or perspectives.

They almost seem like props in this story.

As a child of divorced parents, when I think about the girls, I can’t help but remember my own experience. Though most of my early childhood is a haze of memories, I do remember “Barney” playing on our giant wooden console TV while I heard yelling upstairs. At some point in that haze, they split up. One day my dad was there, and the next day he was not.

My mom shielded me and my sibling from the trauma as much as she could, especially during the worst parts of the contentious divorce, but custody issues are messy and emotional.

My mom is an immigrant. She came to the U.S. to join my dad, and she gained her residency through her marriage to him. In U.S. court, she felt she was at a disadvantage. She anxiously wondered if she was going to have to go back to Mexico. What would that do to her kids? How would custody work? She felt like our ability to stay together hung in the balance.

And my dad, I can only imagine, was racked with guilt about how he had left his kids. He once told me how tears streamed down his face while he was driving away listening to “El Reloj Cucú” by Maná, which is a song written from the perspective of a kid seeking comfort in his little cuckoo clock after his father has left.

Both of my parents tried to make the best of the situation however they could. My mom raised us the majority of the time, and my dad tried to bond via trips to the arcade on random weekends.

But over time, I saw just how destructive divorce and custody battles can be. My dad moved a lot. My mom occasionally took us to custody hearings. As I got older, I saw glimpses of their spite toward each other. In my teenage years I internalized some of that spite. I still have emotional scars from this period. (But don’t worry, it can get better. Today my parents are friends and we all have a much happier dynamic.)

“Foretold” doesn’t get into Paulina and Bobby’s daughters as individuals because it wouldn’t be fair to the girls. Eventually, they will grow up and probably come to learn more about their parents’ divorce. They might even listen to this podcast. We’re doing our best to tell this story in a way that’s respectful to everyone involved. We’re incorporating as many perspectives as we can — and we acknowledge when we were unable to get input from key people. One thing we intentionally do not explore is how the girls felt about everything.

It can be really jarring to contend with the conflict between your two parents. How can the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, and who you love so deeply, have issues with each other?

Paulina and Bobby’s kids may eventually get a more complete picture of how that conflict unfolded, but it won’t be because we bring them into this reporting process or involve them in making this podcast.

The unfortunate side effect of that decision is that the children — arguably the most affected by all the twists and turns — are not fully fleshed-out characters. In “Foretold,” they’re reduced to pawns in the custody battle between their parents.

But what is clear is that Paulina loves her children very deeply, and she’s willing to go to extreme lengths for them.

Although we weren’t able to get comment from Bobby or his parents, we know from their actions that the daughters are deeply precious to them too.

This story is complicated and emotional, heart-wrenching and so deeply human. And Paulina and Bobby’s kids don’t need to talk about how human their parents are just yet.

Trust me.

— Jazmín Aguilera