10 Harsh Realities Of Rewatching Michael Bay’s Transformers Movies

Michael Bay’s Transformers movies were a cultural sensation and a huge commercial success in their day – but going back and rewatching them now, there are a few things that have already aged badly (and some things that never worked to begin with). There are some things in Bay’s Transformers films that did work. Their visual effects are still impressive by today’s standards, the cast features such legendary actors as Jon Voight, John Turturro, and Frances McDormand, and the movies deliver exactly what they set out to deliver: lots and lots of explosive robot-on-robot action.

Bay’s Transformers movies were a sight to behold on the big screen when they were first released. That’s why they were always so successful at the box office; they promised mindless entertainment and a rollicking time at the movies, and that’s exactly what audiences got. But a film’s flaws become painfully apparent on rewatches when the initial thrill of that spectacle has worn off – and Bay’s Transformers movies have plenty of flaws that are unavoidable on a small-screen rewatch.

10 Every Movie Is Half An Hour Too Long

The quickest way for a movie to lose its rewatchability is to have a bloated runtime, and every Transformers movie that Bay ever directed is too long. The two-hour mark is the sweet spot for action movies to have plenty of spectacle without dragging out and getting overlong. The Transformers films are all about half an hour longer than they need to be – sometimes even longer – and it really hurts the movies on rewatches. It’s easy to get fatigued with a robot smash-‘em-up movie that goes on longer than There Will Be Blood.

9 Bay’s Transformers Movies Are More Interested In The Humans Than The Robots

The appeal of the Transformers franchise is, of course, the Transformers themselves. But Bay’s live-action movies were always more interested in dull, one-dimensional human characters like Sam Witwicky and Cade Yeager than the alien robots-in-disguise they encounter. If the human characters were identifiable and well-developed, they could offer the audience a relatable view of the Transformers’ arrival on Earth. Sadly, that’s not the case. Sam is a stereotypical nerd and Cade is a stereotypical overprotective dad.

8 Most Of The Characters Are Offensive Caricatures

Most of the characters in Bay’s Transformers movies are offensive caricatures. Wheelie was turned into a one-note comic relief character. Bumblebee was turned into an immature slacker. Starscream never tried to usurp Megatron; he was just a loyal lackey. The characters of Skids and Mudflap are the most egregious example of this; their characterization is basically a collection of racist stereotypes.

7 The Action Scenes Are Ruined By Choppy Editing And Changing Aspect Ratios

There’s a lot of promise in Transformers’ action sequences. Giant robots throw each other into skyscrapers – what could go wrong? But Bay often ruins these action scenes in the edit. The cuts are too fast for audiences to comprehend what’s happening. Bay isn’t the only director to switch aspect ratios mid-movie – Christopher Nolan switches up the aspect ratio when he dives into a big IMAX set-piece – but Bay is the only one to change aspect ratios from shot to shot. The constantly changing letterbox format is just distracting in the midst of action that’s already difficult to follow.

6 The Realistic Look Of The Transformers Removes All Their Personality

In translating the Autobots and Decepticons into live-action, Bay’s Transformers movies went for a realistic look. These movies imagine what an actual robot made out of car parts would look like. With beady eyes and clanky, awkward body language, these CG Transformers designs aren’t just hideous; they also remove all the personality that the characters had in the original cartoon. This issue has been rectified in post-Bay Transformers movies like Bumblebee and Rise of the Beasts, which have incorporated elements of the characters’ cartoon designs into their live-action form.

5 Bay’s Transformers Movies Glorify The Military

Like most of Bay’s other movies, the Transformers films glorify the military. The unspoken agreement between Bay and the U.S. military makes perfect sense for both parties – Bay frames the U.S. military in a flattering light, and in return, the U.S. military lends Bay all the war machines he needs to create his action-packed spectacle – but the result is an absurdly jingoistic, almost propagandic portrayal of the U.S. armed forces as an elite battalion of noble, fearless heroes. Movies about giant robots fighting each other don’t need this much of a military presence.

4 All The Female Characters Are Objectified

One of Bay’s most problematic stylistic trademarks is the way he frames women. His choice of exploitative low angles and skimpy costumes objectifies the women in his movies. Megan Fox’s Mikaela Banes polishes her motorcycle in the most uncomfortable way possible – straddling the bike in a pair of Daisy Dukes – just so he can get one of these shots. With the exception of Frances McDormand’s Charlotte Mearing, the Director of National Intelligence, every female character in Bay’s Transformers movies is objectified. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s Carly Spencer is introduced with a low-angle tracking shot of her butt.

3 The Continuity Is Constantly Being Retconned

The continuity of the Transformers movies is retconned in every single installment. Every movie changes the first time the Transformers came to Earth. In the first movie, the discovery of Megatron in 1897 is the first time humans came into contact with a Transformer. But the sequels reveal that The Fallen arrived in 19,000 B.C. and a band of Transformers had an alliance with King Arthur. Dark of the Moon reveals that Megatron and Sentinel Prime plotted to meet on Earth to collect the AllSpark, but that was before the AllSpark was launched. These Transformers movies are riddled with distracting plot holes.

2 Bay’s Transformers Movies Are Full Of Blatant Product Placement

Bay’s Transformers movies are full of blatant product placement, like Mikaela and her friends eating at Burger King. Car manufacturers aren’t just advertised when their cars turn into robots; the Transformers movies have more money shots of hood ornaments and dealership display models than an actual car commercial. Everything from a Nokia cell phone to an Xbox 360 to a Mountain Dew vending machine transforms into a killer robot. (There’s also, for some reason, a Mountain Dew machine in a college dorm room.) The final battle of Transformers: Age of Extinction takes an inexplicable trip to Hong Kong so the robots can fight in front of giant tourism billboards.

1 The Plots Are Needlessly Complicated

The plots of Transformers movies are just an excuse to create lots of explosions and robot-on-robot combat, so they don’t need to be nearly as complicated as they are. This series has an endless supply of MacGuffins that are impossible to track down. In the first movie, the map to the MacGuffin is imprinted on a pair of eyeglasses, and there’s a whole boring backstory explaining how it got there. The convoluted plotting is one of the main reasons why the Transformers movies all end up being too long. Simpler storytelling would do this franchise a huge favor.