His one-liners are brief
Attorney Jon Bramnick, called “Funniest Lawyer in New Jersey.” He wins comedy contests, volunteers as a comedic auctioneer, wrote the humor book “Why People Don’t Like You,” plus he’s also a Jersey politician which is probably a joke by itself.
Married, grown children, state senator, lives in Westfield.
JB: “I went to Syracuse University undergrad and Hofstra Law for my law degree. I learned later can’t be a wise guy in court. Judges don’t like it. I’ve made mistakes. Thinking I was a wise guy, one jury banged my client badly. Didn’t go well so I never tried that again.
“Writing a joke can take six hours and it lasts only one minute. I specialize in personal injury cases. Practicing law is more fruitful. Preparing for trial’s easier than working an Atlantic City casino. On trial, miss a word you can back up a little. Lose an audience and you can’t bring them back.
“Joking, I say I’m also a New Jersey politician and state senator, so you can trust everything I tell you. People throw my own lines at me, like in town hall, one lady asked what I’m doing about high taxes and I said, ‘I’ll move.’
“Works with everyone but my wife. Like one day I asked if she wanted to see me at a comedy club and Patricia said, ‘Naaah. Rather stay home and watch ‘Gunsmoke.’ ”
It’s music to pump you up
Andy Garcia has a side gig. He and 15 others make up the CineSon All Stars. What that is I don’t know. I know Schwarzenegger’s a fan. Out hustling his new self-help book “Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life,” he stopped by a gig to hear Garcia and Arturo Sandoval, who’s also done soundtracks for fellow toughie Clint Eastwood, toot the trumpet.
Luxe goes lax
RECENTLY a full-page news story reported the greatnesses of LVMH’s medicine man Bernard Arnault, one of our planet’s richest. He owns 57th & Fifth’s three corners — the globe’s classiest — Tiffany, Bulgari, Vuitton.
Early April Bulgari’s gold wristwatch stopped working. Saying it’s old they sent it for repair. To Europe! An important shop’s own jewelry sent to Europe for repair? Despite our phone calls it took six months. My bill? $2,000.
Tiffany’s reopened day, a uniformed guard barred me unless I had an appointment. Even to price a silver chain?! Finally ushered in, a guard never let me browse, graze, try on. I wanted the second floor. No leaving me alone, she accompanied me.
This is the great lord of retail looking to grab fourth corner Bergdorf’s?
Southern invasion
Two prez debaters said send troops into Mexico. Zap the cartels overnight. Great idea. Invade our largest trading partner and war on Mexico which has a 300,000-troop army. “Overnight” is what Putin said about Ukraine’s 200,000 army.
And North Dakota’s Gov. what’s-is-face who praises his A-1 governance which has more cows than people? Population of North Dakota is half that of Nassau County.
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RUMORS. An Arnault said his ancestry reaches back to Charlemagne. So did his ancestors own the Ark with Noah? “No,” they said, “Our people had a boat of their own.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
This story originally appeared on NYPost
