It’s Fourth of July and Americans are celebrating Independence Day.
That means we take a day off from work to blow shit up in the sky and watch middle-aged gluttons stuff their faces with processed meat.
Stand tall, ‘Murica.
Joey Chestnut returned to Nathan’s hot dog eating contest following his 2024 ban and captured his seventeenth title, downing 70.5 hot dogs (and buns) in just 10 minutes. Last year’s champion, Patrick Bertoletti, finished second with 46.
Bro … were you even trying?
PETA was there (again) “distributing hundreds of tasty vegan hot dogs as they challenge hungry spectators to enjoy a free, flavorful Fourth that is also animal-friendly,” according to FOX News.
I love animals too … I just love hot dogs more.
Sooner or later Chestnut’s heart is going to explode from all this competitive eating and my only hope is they bury him in an open-faced coffin that looks like a giant hot dog bun.
That’s all … enjoy your holiday, Yanks.
This story originally appeared on MMA Mania
