I’ve been a care expert for 46 years — here are 8 crucial tips

With almost five decades of experience supporting carers, Mandy Kittlety has seen it all. She worked as a care home manager, social worker and local authority lead, and is now a director at home support service Ilarna (ilarna.com), an online platform that matches families with independent personal assistants. Mandy, who lives in Bournemouth, was also a carer for her father with dementia and her mother, who suffered from a long-term heart condition.

The UK is currently marking Carer’s Week (8-14 June) to recognise the estimated 12 million people providing unpaid care and propping up the country’s ailing social care system. New research from Carers UK has revealed that almost half of carers (44%) feel their role is not understood or valued. Writing for the Express, Mandy has shared her eight crucial tips to help carers feel supported and best look after their loved ones.

1. Take time for yourself

Caring is physically and emotionally exhausting, and I’ve seen too many people reach their breaking point. If you don’t protect even small pockets of time for yourself, burnout comes quickly. That might mean asking a neighbour to sit with your loved one for 30 minutes while you walk around the block, or accepting help from a relative even if it feels uncomfortable.

Carers I have supported have said even small moments for themselves, such as listening to music on their earphones, gave them a boost. When the person you care for is resting, resist the urge to catch up on chores.

I learned the hard way that using that time to recharge, even briefly, makes you feel more resilient. You might not be able to have half a day to do the hobbies you used to do, but even half an hour can make a big difference.

2. Get as much financial support as you can

Money worries are one of the biggest pressures carers face. I’ve worked with people forced to cut their working hours or give up work altogether.

If you’re providing 35 hours of care a week, check whether you may be eligible for Carer’s Allowance (£81.90 per week). It’s also worth checking whether your caring responsibilities could increase entitlement to other financial support, such as Universal Credit or help with housing costs.

One thing many families miss is that the person you’re caring for may also be entitled to financial support, depending on their circumstances. Benefits such as Personal Independence Payment (PIP) or Attendance Allowance can help with the additional costs that often arise when someone becomes ill, disabled or needs support and this can include cleaning and personal care.

Organisations such as Age UK, Citizens Advice and Carers UK can help you understand what financial support may be available.

Look at the smaller supports that add up to. CareSmart, run by Carers Trust, is a discount scheme for shopping, travel, gym membership and days out, and your local council may give you access to a similar scheme via Carers UK.

Check out local charities that can signpost you to support and sometimes pay for equipment or adaptations to your home.

You can also apply for discounts on your energy, a blue badge to help with parking costs, and look at concessionary travel, such as a Disabled Rail Card or schemes through your local authority.

3. Get trusted help when you need it

If finances allow, getting paid support could give you a precious few hours to do something for yourself. It can be difficult to find consistent help from someone who has taken the time to get to know your loved one and what matters to them, so using a home support service like Ilarna can help.

Families and the person seeking support can share information about what they need, including information about preferred routines, cultural considerations and religious beliefs, then review profiles of independent personal assistants who may be a good fit, speak with them directly and decide for themselves who they would like to support them.

For many families, the biggest difference is not simply receiving support, but having greater choice and control over who provides that support and how it fits around everyday life.

4. Get a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) in place early

I can’t stress this enough: arrange a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) while your loved one still has capacity. This is a legal document that allows an individual to appoint one or more trusted individuals to make decisions on their behalf when they are unable to do so themselves

Families often avoid the conversation. No one wants to talk about death and dying, and it can feel morbid, but having an LPA prevents huge stress later and ensures their wishes are respected.

There are two types: one for finances (like paying bills or managing property), and one for health and care decisions. You can complete an application online through the Office of the Public Guardian, and there is currently a registration fee of £92 for each LPA.

When my dad became unwell, having an LPA meant I could step in immediately—managing his bills and even cashing in Premium Bonds to fund his care, without delays or legal hurdles.

5. Plan for emergencies

The hardest time to make decisions is in a crisis, so prepare in advance. When I cared for my parents, I kept an emergency folder by the door. It included medication lists, GP details, routines, allergies, family contacts and even instructions for the pets.

It proved invaluable. When he fell ill while I was away, because his wishes were clearly documented, healthcare professionals could understand that his preference was to stay at home and make informed decisions alongside the people who supported him.

6. Get help from friends, family and your work

People often want to help but don’t know how. Instead of turning offers down, be specific: ask someone to cook a meal once a week, help with school runs, or do a regular supermarket shop. These small, consistent contributions make a big difference.

If you’re working, speak to your manager about the situation. You’re entitled to one week of unpaid carers leave per year, unpaid time off in an emergency and are able to submit a flexible working request.

You may be entitled to other support through work, too. Some employers have an employee assistance programme which can provide paid-for counselling. It’s worth checking any work health insurance policies too, which could give you access to complementary therapies to help you manage stress.

7. Look at respite care or temporary care

Some charities and local authorities offer respite breaks, giving carers vital time to rest and recharge. You might also consider your loved one having a short stay in a care home. Many people assume this is only a permanent step, but it doesn’t have to be.

When I was caring for my mum, she stayed in a care home for two weeks while I supported my pregnant daughter. It was during the pandemic, and with my parents unwell with COVID, I felt completely torn.

Mum was hesitant at first. There’s still a lot of negative perception around care homes. But she actually enjoyed the experience. And crucially, it helped her see that it wasn’t a one-way decision. Short-term care can give you breathing space, without taking away control.

8. Stay connected

Loneliness is one of the hardest parts of caring. I remember how quickly my own social life disappeared when I was looking after my parents. If getting out isn’t easy, bring people to you and invite a friend over for coffee.

If it is hard to get out of the house, many charities have virtual support groups. Some charities like Age UK and the Silver Line also have telephone befrienders.

You can also check out forums where you can speak to other carers who know what you’re going through and can remind you that you’re never alone.