Has anyone ever given you an especially memorable compliment? A few years ago, Joanna told me I was “really good at getting presents” after I flipped out over a bottle of fancy rinse-free hand wash that she gave me before a flight. That hand wash was pretty great, but what really stuck with me was the compliment. Being good at receiving gifts? That’s a really nice attribute to have. It’s the kind of thing people always notice, but rarely mention — let alone compliment.
Most of the time, compliments are reserved for things you can see: Nice haircut! Great outfit! You look so pretty! Nothing wrong with that, but I do make a point of trying to offer compliments that aren’t based in appearance. I do it, in part, because it aligns with my values around body diversity and beauty standards. But also because non-physical compliments land differently, and seem to stick in a way that even the most effusive haircut compliment doesn’t. It takes more consideration to comment on something you can’t see at a glance, and I think our brains clock that effort. It makes the comment more meaningful — makes us feel “seen,” ironically.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take a compliment on my hair (thank you for noticing my bob; I was super nervous about it). But my heart swells like the Grinch’s when I think of the times someone’s noticed, for example, that I’m good at approaching animals or making young children feel comfortable. And years later, I still like thinking of myself as someone who’s good at receiving gifts. It’s a small thing, but a good thing, and something I’d never have noticed about myself had someone not pointed it out. So when I notice a trait like that in others, I like to do the same.
How about you? Are there any non-physical compliments that have stuck with you over time? I love asking this question because the answers often surprise me!
P.S. A tip for talking to strangers, and what do you like about yourself?
(Photo from Friends. “Toilet seat covers?!”)
This story originally appeared on Cup of Jo
