Quote Of The Day: Denzel Washington On Feelings

Denzel Washington is one of the greatest actors of his generation, earning 8 Oscar nominations over the course of his career, as well as winning the best actor in a supporting role Oscar in 1990 for playing a Civil War soldier in “Glory,” before landing the coveted best actor in a leading role award for “Training Day” in 2002.

The star played Malcom X in Spike Lee’s critically acclaimed film about the activist, as well as starring as heavyweight boxer Rubin Carter in “The Hurricane.” But while most audiences know Washington for his shining Hollywood credits, it’s important to know that a cornerstone of his early career was one of the best medical dramas of all time: “St Elsewhere.” In it, he played Dr. Philip Chandler for 118 episodes before the character resigned from his job to move to Mississippi. Washington agreed to star in “St. Elsewhere” to provide a base for him where he could work in film at the same time.

Since then, he has become one of Hollywood’s most bankable stars, and he has the ability to turn a simple post-apocalyptic adventure into a hit piece of pop culture. Yes, that means a prequel series to “The Book of Eli” starring John Boyega is in the works. But while we wait for that to materialize, Washington is today’s quote of the day.

“I never shed a tear for my father. That sounds like a book or a song. I never did all through the funeral and all that. There was no connection.”

The quote comes from a 2012 profile of Denzel Washington in GQ where he recalled what his life was like growing up in a New York suburb with his parents. He explained that they divorced while he was 14, and although he spent time living with them both separately, he didn’t have a connection with his father.

Washington explained that his father was a preacher and also worked other jobs, so they didn’t have a huge opportunity to spend time together. He noted that when he wasn’t at school in the summer, he wasn’t interested in seeing his father, and their relationship started to “fade.” He added: “Not to say that I didn’t love him like a dad. But we didn’t play ball, those types of things.”

Denzel Washington’s quote might seem more like an anecdote about his own life than advice, but there’s still something we can learn from this perspective about family: Your feelings are completely valid, even if that means you aren’t feeling anything at all. His reflection about his life growing up was that his parents were incredibly busy people working numerous jobs to provide for their family. Because of this, his distant relationship led to never shedding a tear when his father died in 1991.

That doesn’t mean he wasn’t affected by his father’s death, but it seems like he was processing his grief in a different way. Working through something as complex as the death of a loved one isn’t a straightforward path, and grief can manifest in different ways for different people. It’s okay if your version of grief isn’t the same as other people you know.

It’s clear from the rest of the interview that Washington was grateful for having a father who was a good role model, as he also said: “Everyone I grew up with didn’t have a father. I had a father. My father was a decent man. He was a very spiritual man and a gentleman.” So, allow yourself to feel grief and loss in whatever way makes the most sense to you.

• “I’m very proud to be black, but black is not all I am. That’s my cultural historical background, my genetic makeup, but it’s not all of who I am nor is [it] the basis from which I answer every question.” — from a 1990 interview with The Los Angeles Times

• “It’s one thing to be angry, it’s another thing to know — just to be angry and out of control won’t do you any good, if you have an enemy, then learn and know your enemy, don’t just be mad at him or her. My career for a long time has been about the business of doing something about the anger that I felt and through the roles that I play and it’s no coincidence that playing some of the roles that I play is for a particular reason.” — from a 2000 interview with The Guardian

• “I’d probably be a bit more frightened by not using whatever abilities I’d been given. I’d be more frightened by procrastination and laziness.” — from a 2000 interview with The Guardian

• “I don’t care who’s following who. You can’t lead and follow at the same time, and you can’t follow and lead at the same time. I don’t follow anybody. I follow the heavenly spirit. I follow God, I don’t follow man. I have faith in God. I have hope in man, but look around, it ain’t working out so well.” — from a 2025 interview with The Miami Herald